On Loneliness...

On Loneliness...

by Adam Littlefield on Thursday, February 3, 2011 at 5:02am

     The Universe at work... So I sat down here after a long-distance talk with one of my very best girls. She's having a rough time of it and needed to vent. We didn't discuss our love lives, or lack thereof, but a hefty portion of our talk centered on what I deemed at its root loneliness, loneliness and uncertainty about the future. I mainly listened and stuck my two-cents in at appropriate times, but she made me realize that I was feeling a little loneliness today myself. Once a week or so, I'll have this tense, restless feeling where I feel like I should be doing something, saying something. It rarely lasts more than a day any more, because I have begun to figure out what I need to do or say to fix it, at least temporarily. Truthfully, it most always involves getting something off of my chest, whether it be to a person, to everyone, to myself. But yeah, I feel like the root of these feelings is loneliness.

     I have known times of deep, steaming loneliness... We all have. It's only occasional for me now because I have some great people in my life who I know I truly love and truly love me back. And I have gotten way better at dealing with it, knowing the things I need to do to keep myself on an even keel, which as stated usually involves typing something to someone. But you can't deal with something you won't acknowledge. I talked in an earlier entry about the fact that in your quest for answers in life, it helps a shitload to know the questions... So maybe we should all ask ourselves if we're lonely, and if so, why? What's missing?

     Of course, the most common missing element is a significant other. For some, it can even be a non-significant other, or several non-significant others. The gaps are spackled with all sorts of shit; sex, drugs, booze, clothes, food, big-screen TVs, etc... There is nothing wrong with the spackle, we all do what and how we do to get by. But as someone who has never really had an official significant other, I can tell you that it's really easy to end up with more spackle than there is wall... Did I take the spackle thing a little too far??... Either way man, at the end of the day, it's all you. You can have people in your life that enrich it, including significant others. Of course I want a strong woman who will stand by me and put up with my passive-aggressive, self-entitled bullshit and love every minute of it because I put up with all of her bullshit too. I used to think I wanted someone who made me a better person, but guess what? Only we can make ourselves better people... And only we can choose not to be lonely, because we have ourselves, and when that's good enough, everything else will be goddamned peachy...

    So my original thought about the Universe at work came from my realization that it's okay to feel lonely as long as you find better ways of dealing with it... Right before I started this, I came across a Temple of the Dog  reference in my newsfeed. That full album is still my favorite of the 90s, and that list is long. I immediately thought of the song Call me a Dog, and realized that it fit perfectly with my mood today, and the hour-long phone call I had literally just hung up from...

     Things are very synchronicitous for me right now, and they can be for you if you're paying attention.. A month ago today, I cut my nappy hair, quit biting my fingernails, and started writing every day... That is my mission right now, and I choose to accept it... We hit walls all the time, but each time it gets easier to avoid them...

 If you need a change, take it, make it...

 Walk your path in the moment, and follow the signs, wherever they lead...

Good day to you, people
~Boombalias